


Unwell

by jillolantern



Series: Carry On [3]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-03-19 03:33:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3594807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jillolantern/pseuds/jillolantern
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 3 of the "Carry On" series. Bastion And Atticus realize they have mutual feeling for each other, but when they act on them, it becomes apparent that maybe that aren’t as compatible as they once thought. After one big fight, Atticus spends night on his own and makes a decision that may cause him to lose Bastion for good. OC’s and Yaoi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
Bastion POV

I woke up with no urgency to do anything. I stretched and looked at the clock. 9:04. Atticus probably isn’t awake yet. He normally got up around 10 or 11 on weekends. I was glad to not have much to do. The university was almost on winter break so I only had a few final things to finish up then I didn’t have work until the break was over. 

I made my way to the kitchen and opened the cupboard. I pulled out my derivatives mug and my sine curves mug trying to decide if I was in the mood for coffee or tea. I settled on tea and put the sine curves mug back. I got the tea steeping and picked up the newspaper. 

I decided that while I waited for the tea to steep, I should get the mail. I walked out of the kitchen a headline on the newspaper caught my eye. I opened it to read but after only a few lines, I ran into something and fell backwards.

I thought it was just my clumsiness that cause me to walk into a wall, but when I opened my eyes, Atticus was looking down at me, looking just as surprised as I felt. His face was so close to mine and I could almost feel the blush across my face.

It had been four years, and my crush on Atticus was still strong. We’d been roommates for a year and a half and I suppose that wasn’t going to do anything for my feelings. I had never said anything about it and only Dana knew about how I felt. The hardest part about it was that Atticus kept asking me every so often if I’d found any pretty girls yet.

I never knew how to respond so I always gave vague answers that always seemed to leave Atticus confused.

During my thoughts, I figured Atticus would have gotten up already, but he was still there and neither of us had even moved, just stayed where we were and stared at each other. 

I loved his eyes. They were a beautiful shade of brown and they shined with his ever present enthusiasm. How ever much I wanted to just look at him all day, I figured this was not the best position for either of us.

“Um, Atticus, mind getting off me?”

He seemed distracted but once I spoke he came to his senses. “Oh, sorry, Bastion.” He stood up and then offered a hand to help me up. “I wasn’t paying attention. I was sorting through the mail.”

That’s when I saw envelopes all over the floor as well as my newspaper which had fallen out of order. “I was reading the newspaper and wasn’t watching where I was going.” We cleaned up the mess and then I offered, “I was making some tea, do you want some?”

“Sure. That sound great.”

We made our way to the kitchen. “Honestly I thought you wouldn’t be awake yet. You’re never up this early.”

“I guess I just couldn’t stay asleep. December is my favorite month after all. I find it easy to wake up. ‘Tis the season, you know?”

I smiled. “Yes, I understand.” I found it easier to wake up on mornings of particularly interesting lectures I was to give. I may not like one month in particular, I certainly understand his reasoning. “What kind of tea do you want?” I got him down a mug and my box of tea leaves for him to pick one.

He took the box from me and I picked up my mug to drink it. “You always have great taste in teas. I’ll try this new blueberry one.” 

I was surprised. That was the type of tea I was drinking now. It was weird that Atticus had picked the same type of tea as me. “Sure, good choice. You want me to make it for you or do you want to try your hand at it?” Atticus wasn’t a very avid tea drinker and he seemed to always ruin it when he made it himself.

“Bastion, you know I ruin it every time. If it’s not too much trouble, I’ll ask you to make it.”

“No trouble at all, Atticus.” I started to make his tea as he got a phone call. 

“Hello. Today? But it’s Saturday. Oh. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, ‘tis the season. I’ll be there in half an hour.” He hung and started to storm off to his room. 

I assumed that he got called into work. I guess it’s a good thing he had gotten up. I put his tea in a thermos so he could drink it on he way to work. 

Sure enough he came running from his room in a rush his suit a mess. “Atticus.”

“I have to go to work, Bastion. Holiday rush and what not.”

“Atticus, come here.”

He broke out of his rush and looked at me, and did as I asked. The buttons on his vest were misaligned, his cuff links were backwards, and his tie was incredibly crooked. “Atticus, you won’t get many customers looking like that.” I unbuttoned his vest and started with his tie, undoing it and retying it. He let me. I glanced at his face and he looked . . . comfortable. I looked away knowing if I held my gaze any longer, he’d see the blush on my face. I buttoned his vest correctly when I was done and quickly fixed his cuff links, then stepped backwards.

“So how do I look, Bastion?”

“Like you’re not a hot mess like you were a minute ago.”

He didn’t say anything, just smiled at me, like he and I did this routine every morning. I imagined a life like that. Waking up every morning and me tying his tie before he goes to work before I leave for the university. Then he gets home before I do and he possibly surprises me with dinner. Then after dinner we curl up on the couch for a movie. 

I shake the thought and frown internally. Nothing like that is going to happen. My crush on Atticus is only that. One day I will find a nice young lady to live with and so will Atticus then these feelings would dissolve and I can pretend it never happened. 

“Well, you should get going to work. I put your tea in a thermos.”

His face seemed a little upset but if he actually was, he didn’t say anything about it. “Right. See you later, Bastion.” He took the thermos and headed out the door. He looked back at me for a split second then he went.

Atticus POV

What was that? It was just an accident. Something most people wouldn’t care too much about. Something most people would just forget about and then move on with their lives. But now . . .

Something had changed. I thought I might have romantic feelings for him. But what use is it. Bastion wouldn’t go for a guy like me. I’m not that smart, don’t have many skills. I sell clothes at a men’s wear store. How is that a career? What Bastion is doing with his life is a career. He doesn’t need me holding him back. I know I’ve asked him many times if he’s found a girl, and, granted, while he’s never given me a straight answer, one day he will find one. 

Still, I couldn’t deny that our relationship is no longer going to continue as it has the past year and a half. This is inevitably going to end in pain, but that’s not going to happen today. 

I just can’t get over it. When he fixed my tie and vest, I felt a lot like a husband whose wife was making sure he looked his best before he went to his office. Only replace husband with me, and wife, with Bastion, and office with a men’s wear store. It felt homey, like it was something I could get used to.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
Atticus POV

The next day I dragged Bastion down to the mall to get a head start on our Christmas shopping. “Atticus, calm down, we are in no rush.”

“Bastion, Christmas is in Two weeks. If we wait, we can’t get some good gifts for our friends because they’ll all be gone.” In all honesty, I did want to get my friends gifts, but I also thought going shopping would give me something to think of other than Bastion. For the past week my mind has been occupied with nothing but him. I’ve found myself staring at him and noticing his mannerisms. He drinks coffee on weekday mornings before he goes to work then drinks a cup of peppermint tea when he gets home. Though recently, since the semester ended, he’d switched to blueberry tea in the morning and peppermint tea in the afternoon. And he brushes his teeth at nine every night. He watches the specials on physics on Tuesday nights.

Sometimes I thought I was a little too obvious with my staring. I thought eventually Bastion would say something, but he never did. Maybe he really didn’t have any kind of feeling for me. And I guess I had to let it go or end up heart broken a lot sooner than I anticipated. At least for now I could distract myself with spending money. 

I found gifts for everyone except Bastion. Even he managed to find some gifts. I could tell he wanted to go home, but I was not leaving until I found him the perfect gift. “Atticus, I’m going to see if there are any interesting books in the bookstore. You have fun.” Then he left. Perfect. Now I can shop for him without having to be sneaky. 

But it also left me alone to think about him again. In the past week, little things had been happening. Like three days ago. He was carrying a bunch of boxes and files and his cell phone started ringing. He couldn’t put down the things he was holding to answer it so he asked me to reach into his pocket and answer it for him. It was not something I have ever had to do, but it did give me a reason to get close to him, if only for a moment. Then he asked me to bring him his tea, but it hadn’t finished steeping yet. I put it in the mug he always used for tea and brought it to him. He seemed surprised that I chosen the right mug. 

I wandered into a clock shop for no particular reason. There wasn’t a whole lot of things there that were gift worthy. Still I looked around. towards the back of the shop I found a salesperson. A young man who greeted me with a smile. “Can I help you look for something.”

“I’m looking for a gift for my . . .” what exactly was Bastion? My crush, potential boyfriend. I had no idea, but for now, “friend.”

“Male or female?”

“Male. He’s a math professor.”  
He thought about it for a minute. “I think I might have something that will work perfectly.” He led me around the side of the store before we came to the section he had in mind.

It was a small section, but it was full of all kinds of pocket watches. I looked at all of them as he picked one for me. He handed it to me and immediately I thought it was perfect. It was silver with calculus symbols on it. I never studied calculus so I couldn’t name the symbols but I knew it would be something Bastion would love. 

“Perfect. I’ll take it.” I paid for the watch and then slipped it into another bag to hide it from Bastion. Walking to the bookstore to meet Bastion, I thought that I could use my employee discount at the men’s wear store to get him a vest. Bastion has plenty of suits, but he doesn’t have a quality vest.

I found Bastion in a corner of the store with a stack of books on the table next to him skimming through a dense novel. “Find what you were looking for?” he closed the book and stood up.

“I sure did. You ready to go back?”

“Sure.”

As we left, I thought to what I was going to give him for Christmas and smiled because I knew he was going to love it.  
Two days later, neither of thought anything was going to happen. 

We were sitting in our living room, Bastion reading a book, and me wrapping the gifts I’d bought for my friends. I had just about finished but I was having a particularly hard time tying the box on the box for Zane. 

It kept ending up uneven and I had to redo it. Bastion obviously noticed. “Do you need some help?” 

I dropped the ribbon. “Yes please.” 

He marked his place in his book and joined me on the floor amidst all the tape and wrapping paper rolls and ribbon. “Hold the ribbon down.”

I did as he asked, but he seemed to be moving really slowly tying the ribbon. I rarely get to be this close to Bastion. As much as I would love to just go up to him in the morning and give him a hug, but I can’t be sure how he’d react. I’d probably ruin everything. I have thought at a couple moments that maybe Bastion felt the same, but then the next minute, that theory doesn’t hold. 

One of those moments happened then. He’d finished the ribbon, and it was perfectly tied, but he wouldn’t let go of it for a moment. He stared at, and I knew something was up. One of his hands drifted to mine.

“Bastion?” What was up with him?

He was silent for a moment. I opened my mouth to break the painful silence but then he did.

“Four years, Atticus.”

Since what? We became friends? That whole ordeal with Dana? What is he trying to get at here?

“If I don’t say anything now, then that defeats the entire point of the last four years.”

He paused, and so did I. I had no idea what to say, mostly because I didn’t know what to say.

“I’ve liked you for over four years. Gosh, now that I say that, it sounds so immature. Like a fourteen year old. But, it’s true.”

Oh. I knew exactly what he meant now. He felt the same way I did, but for four years! I had no idea it had gone on the at long. I’ve had vague feelings for him the past year and a half but only a few weeks I’ve been sure. His feelings have been consistent for four years.

“I can understand if this makes you feel awkward. I mean look at me. There’s no way someone like you would like someone like me. So honestly I have no idea why I am bringing this up at all. I’ve just been think the past few days about it and I really can’t take it any more. I can only wait so much longer before I either take the risk or walk away from this friendship entirely. I figured it was better to take the chance and have an awkward friendship fro the next few months before I got over it because I’d rather move out but still be your friend than never talk to you again.

“I’ve never been in a relationship before so I have no idea what I even want or if I am just being childish, but if I’ve been feeling this way for four years, there has got to be something genuine here, right?” He dropped my hand and moved the box before standing up and facing away from me. “I’m sorry for this. You can just reject me and I’ll go stay with Dana for a few nights until you’re willing to talk to me again.”

I spent that time just listening to him talk, not once having a moment to process what he said until just now. I shot up to a standing position and I spoke without thinking. “Bastion, why don’t you let me give my side of the story?”

Maybe not the best way to start a conversation. What was my side of the story? Bastion turned around slowly looking confused and I scrambled for words. “We've been pretty good friends for the past few years, best friends if anything. And lately I’ve been seeing you as more than a friend. Not four years like you, but I’ve definitely had similar feelings. Now I’ve had relationships before, but none were too serious and none lasted very long, but you seem like someone who I could have a genuine relationship with. You said that there was no chance that someone like me could like someone like you. But really you are way too good for me. You actually have a bright future, and someone like me can’t provide for you and if we hadn’t been friends for four years, this would never be happening . . .”

I trailed off, not knowing where to go, so Bastion picked up. “And what exactly is happening, Atticus?”

There was a small distance between us but we weren’t touching; we were close enough that I could feel the nervous breaths from his nose.

“What’s happening is that, if you’re willing to give me a chance, I’d like to try a relationship with you.”

He thought about it for a moment. “I’ve never had a relationship before.”

“I understand that.”

“So if we do actually try this, you’ll have to be patient with me. I don’t know yet exactly what I’m comfortable with.”

This is one of the reasons I liked him so much. He had such a small comfort zone, but was willing to take risks. I may seem like a wild, rambunctious boy stuck in his frat years, but I can be mature. And I wasn’t willing to push Bastion into anything he was uncomfortable with. “I promise.”

I moved closer to him and he jumped. Right. “How about we start with a hug?” His face softened, and he returned my hug. With his chest against mine, I could feel the gentle slowing of his rapid heartbeat.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
Bastion POV

A week later, we’d made some physical process. We hadn’t officially kissed yet, but Atticus would kiss me on my cheek or on the top of my head occasionally when we met, but my first kiss was still to be had. 

I was still trying to get used to the idea that Atticus and I were in a relationship. After four years of just longing for this, I had never once imagined that he would actually return my feelings. He promised me that he’d move at the pace I was comfortable moving at and he’d held true to that promise. The first time he’d kissed my cheek before he left for work, he asked. An odd request, but he really was looking out for me. And honestly, I quite enjoyed it.

The only thing we hadn’t really talked about was whether or not we were going to tell the rest of our friends. I honestly wasn’t sure if we should or not.

My thoughts were interrupted by the phone. “Hello.”

“Hey Bastion! It’s Jesse. Jaden and I wanted to invite you to a dinner party tonight. He just learned that he could host dinner parties without there being a holiday and he’s gotten too excited to not have one. Nothing formal. Humor him for me, please?”

“Of course we’ll come. I’ll tell Atticus when he gets off of work. He should actually be back soon. What time do you want us there?”

“Seven is when Jaden plans to serve dinner so maybe a little bit before.”

“Will do, Jesse. See you then.” We said goodbye and hung up the phone. And just as I had expected, Bastion unlocked the door. I knew he’d be home soon. I went to greet him. 

He pulled his shoes off his feet. “Hello, Bastion.” As he undid his tie, he placed a gentle kiss on the top of my head. “Anything new?”

He unbuttoned his vest and shirt leaving him in just his pants and undershirt. That wasn’t anything to be uncomfortable over. He did this routine every time he came home. “Actually, Jesse and Jaden invited us over for a dinner party per request of Jaden.”

“What time?”

“Seven.”

“Great. So I can take a shower and change into something more comfortable.” He made his way to the bathroom while I made my way to my bedroom. Atticus and I still had separate bedrooms. I looked through my closet to find something to wear. Jesse said nothing formal, which was hard for me considering I was a college professor. The only other thing I owned were holiday sweaters Dana got for me. I managed to find a simple grey long sleeved shirt and some more casual pants. I got dressed and made my way out to read my book in the living room.

It had been about a half hour before Atticus came out of his bedroom wearing only his dark jeans and holding two shirts in his hands. I could feel the blood rush to my face at the sight. Sure I had seen Atticus shirtless before, but not in a situation like this. “Bastion, which shirt is better?” Then he saw my face. For whatever reason I expected him to get apologetic, but he smiled. “Bastion, this isn’t the first time you’ve seen me like this, and, if things go well,” he looked hopeful, “it won’t be the last.”

He was right. “You have a point. I guess I just wasn’t expecting it.” We were silent for a moment. “I like the black one more.” He slipped it on while I marked my place in my book and stood up. We looked at each other for a moment before we both got the same idea and crossed the room to hug each other. “I’m sorry. I’m still new at this whole relationship thing.”

He laughed quietly. “I understand. Somethings take some getting used to.”

I broke away from him. “Speaking of which . . .”

“Something wrong? Am I being too forward, moving too fast, just tell me.”

“No, no, you are doing nothing wrong, it’s just that because I’m still new to this, if we could wait some time until we told our friends. I don’t want to give them any ideas until we know for sure this is going to work out, not that I’m saying it won’t, I just want to be sure.” 

He seemed relieved. “Is that all. I completely understand. Yeah, we can wait to tell them. I won’t say a word about it at the dinner party tonight.”

Oh, right, that. “We should probably get going.”

The drive to Jesse and Jaden’s place wasn’t a long one. I should have known that. Instead we ended up getting there thirty minutes early. I guess it was just my need to be on time everywhere that most days I ended up being early. 

We knocked on the door and it was opened by Jesse. “Oh, Bastion, Atticus, we weren’t expecting you for another fifteen minutes.”

“I hope we aren’t causing a problem.”

“No, not at all. Please come in, hang your coats on the coat rack and make yourself comfortable in the dining room.” 

We did as he asked and navigated our way through their home. The entire apartment was decorated to the nines with Christmas decorations. They always went full out with decorations on holidays. I knew Jesse was the mastermind behind all the decorations. Quite big for just an apartment, but the dining room wasn’t far from where we heard Jaden in the kitchen making the final preparations. 

“Hey guys! Glad you could make it. Dinner will be ready soon.”

“Thanks Jaden. “Then we found some seats around their table. They hosted every party we had so they were the only ones who could justify having a dining table for eight people. 

Not too long after we sat down we heard another knock on the door then soon after, Dana and Hassleberry joined us. I stood up to met Dana. I hugged her while Atticus greeted Hassleberry. 

I remembered that Dana had told me about her rehearsals for her upcoming ballet. “How are rehearsals going.”

“They’re going great. We’re approaching the first show so I’ve had very little down time. But it’s worth it.”

We all sat down, Dana and Hassleberry seated across from us. Hassleberry pulled out her chair so she could sit down. I glanced at Atticus. The look on his face told me he wanted to do that for me, but he settled for just pulling out his own chair and sitting down. 

Right then, Aster and Zane entered the dining room. Dana was the first to greet them. “Hello Zane, Aster.” 

Zane sat down next to Atticus, Aster next to Zane. Then Jaden came in. “So, who’s hungry?”

We voiced our agreement and he and Jesse brought us our food. Seafood Alfredo. Seafood was one of my favorite foods. Plus Jaden was the best cook I knew so he wasn’t going to disappoint. Before we started eating, Jaden offered us some wine. Aster accepted the offer and I decided I might as well too. Atticus drove here.

We settled into a groove and we told each other what was going on in our lives. Jesse told us a story about this little girl he’d worked with at his social work office and Dana shared that she’d gotten her director to give her free tickets to one of her Nutcracker shows to give to us.

I smiled as I remembered back to when we were little and she first started ballet. She’d come over to my house and show me the things she’d been working on in her ballet class. And now she was a major dancer in the biggest ballet troupe of the surrounding area. It’s amazing to think where we end up from when we are children. 

The dinner continued and I watched my friends openly embrace their relationships. Dana and Hassleberry thought they were being sneaky when they were holding hands under the table, but I could tell what they were doing. Jaden kissed Jesse once about halfway through dinner. And Zane and Aster were less subtle about their hand holding.

It pained me that Atticus and I couldn’t be as public yet. It was necessary that we restrained ourselves. If this didn’t work out, then I don’t know how we could deal with our friends. They’d ask questions that I couldn’t answer. I wasn't ready to deal with that. So I refrained. 

We finished our dinner and when all our plates were cleared we moved into the living room to start our tradition of playing trivial pursuit. Dana tended to win, but we played anyway.

she answered a question correctly that we were sure she wasn’t going to be able to. “Dana, how do you know all this?” Jaden asked in shock.

She shrugged. “Ten years in home school.” I smiled. That was her answer every time we asked her a question like that.

Dana won, and by extension so did Hassleberry because we play on teams, so we decided to call it a night. We grabbed our coats, said goodbye to everyone, and went on our way.

“Well that was fun.” Atticus turned on the car. I didn’t say anything to him. I thought back to how we still aren’t public about our relationship. “Bastion?”

I said something to put his mind at ease. “Sorry, must be the alcohol in my system. I just need to get some sleep.”

He saw through me, but he didn’t say anything. “Then we’d better get you home.”


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Atticus POV

I woke up around eight on Christmas morning. It was one of my favorite days of the year. I had absolutely no responsibilities. The store was closed on Christmas day and that was about all I had going on in my life.

Well, that any my new boyfriend.

He wasn't in the living room or the kitchen, so that meant he was still asleep. I snuck into his bedroom quietly and crawled on top of his bed. I rested on all fours above him and smiled at his face. he was so peaceful and with every nerve in my body I wanted to just lean down and kiss him. But I knew that he probably wouldn't appreciate the very much.

"Bastion." I whispered his name. "Bastion." He was starting to wake up. "Bastion." The last one was my normal speaking volume.

His eyes slowly opened and as they took in what they were seeing. "Merry Christmas." He reacted just as I thought he would. "Atticus!" He pushed me off of him and I landed next to him, laughing.

"You should have seen your face, Bastion." I continued laughing.

"It's not funny."

I calmed myself and then moved so my chin was on his chest, looking up at him. "Yeah it was." Then I kissed his cheek and got off his bed. "Come on, it's Christmas. And you have a gift to open."

I left him in his bedroom while I went to get his gift. I had it in a flat rectangular box, the vest on top of the watch.

When I went back into the living room, Bastion was sitting on the couch, a wrapped box next to him. So he'd gotten me something as well.

"Merry Christmas, Atticus." He stood up and gave me a hug. I set my gift for him next to the one he'd gotten me.

"So do you want to open your first, or should I open mine first?"

He thought about it for a moment. "I want you to open yours first." We sat down on the couch and I put the box in my lap and unwrapped it. I was thrilled by what I saw. It was a watch. A couple months ago we were at the mall and I saw it in a jewelry store and absolutely loved it. Bastion told me that if I liked it so much I should just buy it, but I felt like I couldn't afford it. I didn't get it that day, but I wished I could have bought. I went back the next week and the store clerk told me it had been sold.

I looked at Bastion. "The store clerk told someone had beaten me to buying it."

He smiled. "That's because I went and bought it for you. I saw how much you wanted it and you certainly deserve something nice." He took the box from me and took the watch out of it. He took my left wrist and slipped the watch onto it. "Perfect."

I looked at him for a moment before taking his left hand in my right and raising my left to rest on the back of his head. I brought his face to mine and kissed his forehead. I wasn't sure yet if he was comfortable with a real kiss. I'd kissed his cheek and the top of his head before, but not his forehead. And it felt more intimate than the other kisses. "Thank you Bastion. I love it."

He blushed slightly, but it quickly faded. I handed him his box. "Your turn."

He opened the box and when he saw his gift he looked at me with the same look I'm sure I gave him. "Thank you, Atticus. I don't have a vest this nice." He took it out of the box, ignoring the rest of the contents and took in all it's suited him perfectly and I knew he could tell that. But that wasn't the big gift I got him.

"Bastion, look in the box." He did so and he found what I wanted him to among the tissue paper: the pocket watch in it's case.

He opened it and took in it's features. He opened it to look at the face of the clock and closed it again. He set the box next to him. He rested both of his hands behind my head and pulled me to him to kiss my cheek. Of all the kisses we'd had, it was always me kissing him. This was the first time he'd kissed me. "I love it. Thank you Atticus."

We put our gifts in our respective bedrooms to spend the rest of the morning in comfort. We were going to a Christmas party later that night but we had time to lay around the apartment in our pajamas and enjoy each other's company.

A Christmas Story was just starting on TV so we settled in on the couch to watch it. I sat down and Bastion sat next to me. But a few minutes into the movie, Bastion laid his head on my shoulder. In response I wrapped my arm around his side. We stayed in that position while we watched the movie.

About an hour before we had to leave we decided we'd both go get ready. I took a shower first and then Bastion did. We came out of our bedrooms at the same time and saw what each other was wearing. I was wearing my new watch and Bastion was wearing his new vest. I saw the chain from the pocket watch trailing from out of the pocket of it.

Neither of us said anything, only smiled. I offered my elbow out to him and he took it with his and we walked out to my car. We broke away from each other when we reached it.

The drive to Jesse and Jaden's was a quiet one, but comfortable. We didn't have to say anything.

When we got there, Jaden welcomed us and so did Dana and Hassleberry. They both commented on Bastion's vest and my watch and we shared a silent moment of satisfaction.

"Please eat everyone. Jaden was cooking all day." There were plated of food in the living room. It was a busy room. The Christmas decorations and all the food, but still a great place to host a party. I took a plate and a good share of food. There certainly was plenty.

Soon after Zane and Aster arrived. Dana went to greet them and after they took their coats off they joined the rest of us in the living room. I stood up to greet my best friend as Aster went to talk to Jesse. We talked and ate for a while and about a half hour later, Jesse had us start the white elephant exchange. We'd never done one before so we were all excited about it.

The most exciting exchange that happened was that Aster ended up with a gian make up kit. Dana and Hassleberry were failing miserably at trying to contain themselves. They were obviously behind it. I ended up with a singing stuffed dog that Jaden had gotten. After cleaning up that paper, Jesse told us to eat some more, subtly trying to tell us to eat a lot so he and Jaden weren't stuck with a great amount of leftovers.

Bastion and I found our way over by the Christmas tree for our first real conversation of the party. "You seem to enjoy the singing toy you got."

"Yes, I think I will keep it in our kitchen and I will play it every morning while you make your coffee until you get sick of it."

"Then get ready to have me throw it out after two days."

"Really, I didn't think you'd last even that long."

"Would you look at that? Atticus and Bastion are under the mistletoe!" I looked towards the speaker, Jaden, and then at everyone else who had focused their attention on Bastion and me.

"Jesse you didn't tell me you'd hung up a mistletoe."

"I didn't think I needed to," Jesse responded.

I knew all of them were waiting to see if we'd follow through with the tradition. I looked to Bastion to see if I could read his face, but I couldn't figure it out. I knew we'd decided not to tell anyone about our relationship, but this was a good opportunity to do that without having to figure out a big reveal. If I kissed him, surely there wouldn't be any opposition from him. I've been wanting to kiss him for days now and I could tell Bastion wanted the same. I wrapped my arms around his waist, brought his face to mine, and kissed him.

When we pulled away, I could feel all eyes on us. But when I looked at Bastion, the look on his face was one of terror. What was wrong? But I couldn't ask him now so I let him go. I took his hand in mine and laced our fingers as a sign of support. "So, I guess the cat's out of the bag."

Zane spoke next after a silence. "So you mean you two are . . . together?"

I could tell something was bothering Bastion but he wasn't going to show it. "Yeah, if that's how you want to put it."

Dana was next. "How long now?"

We looked at each other. I saw the uncomfortable look on his face "Officially? About two weeks."

"Well, I have to say that I for one did not see this coming." Jesse said what they were all thinking.

They got over the initial shock and we went back to the party. We talked to the others, but the whole time, I could tell something was up with Bastion.

We got home and immediately Bastion snapped.

"What the hell was that Atticus?" I'd never heard him talk like this before.

"Bastion, none of them care. They aren't going to disown us."

"You think this is about them finding out." Well I did. Not anymore. "I don't care that they found out. I'm talking about that kiss."

That was the problem? That was nothing. Sure it was our first kiss, but people kiss all the time. "Bastion, it's not like that was your first kiss." His face flushed and he turned away from me and I knew. "It was wasn't it?"

He nodded.

I'd messed up. I thought that maybe even though he'd never had a relationship, he'd surely had his first kiss. "Oh my God, I am so sorry, Bastion. I had no idea." I remembered my first kiss. I was incredibly nervous and it was incredibly special to me. Bastion would never get that chance because I took it away from him

"You don't think things through, Atticus. You live in the moment and don't consider the consequences. And you took something from me that I can't have again."

This really bothered him. "I'm sorry. I can't give it back, you're right. I make mistakes, Bastion. Lots of them. And I will make more. This is the first of our relationship, and I guess the last."

That made him turn around.

"You're not going to give me another chance. I don't deserve it. I can go stay with Zane and Aster."

He grabbed my wrist. "Atticus, I never said I wanted to give up our relationship. Yes you made a mistake, but people make mistakes. I may not get to have my first kiss again, but at least the person it was with was someone I actually care about."

Was he really going to give me another chance?

He took both my hands in his. "Make it up to me by making this the best relationship I can ask for."

He should be furious with me. The fact that he was willing to forgive me for this was enough to prove to me that he was willing to make this relationship work.

"Bastion, I really want to kiss you right now."

He smiled. "Well, you can, if you want to."

He looked up at me and we slowly moved towards each other. When we kissed, it felt comfortable. Bastion's anxiety and anger faded away and I knew that we could get past anything.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
Bastion POV

Atticus set up an incredibly romantic night for new year’s eve. He told me to stay in my room for a majority of the afternoon and when I asked him why, he only answered with “it’s a surprise. Make sure you look nice around eight.” So I humored him. 

I had no idea what he was doing out there but come the time, I was dressed and ready wearing the vest he’d bought me for Christmas. I slipped the watch into my pocket and was about to open the door when there was a soft knock on it. 

I decided to play with him a little bit. I went over and sat on my bed, flattening my vest. “Come in.”

The door opened, revealing Atticus. He was dressed just as formally as I was. “Is my wait over?”

He strolled over to me and offered his hand to me. “Yes, but the fun has only just begun.” I took his hand and he pulled me to a standing position and into him so we were chest to chest. He smiled at me and after a moment, he kissed me gently before leading me out of the room. No lights were on in our apartment. There was only candle light coming from our kitchen. 

The source of the light was made apparent when we turned the corner and revealed our table. A row of candles as a center piece with two chairs opposite each other with plates of dinner set out with the proper dinner set up. 

Atticus went forward and pulled out my chair. “Have a seat, my dear.”

I took the offer and he slid my chair in. I took in the sight of the dinner he’d prepared. Seafood pasta. It looked incredibly familiar to the one that Jane had made a few weeks ago.

“Atticus, you made this?” 

He smiled. “Well kind of. It is Jaden’s recipe. He gave me some pointers but I did make it myself. It probably won’t be nearly as good as when he made it, but I wanted to give my hand a try at cooking. I know seafood is your favorite.”

Atticus’ cooking skill wasn’t the best, but he certainly wasn't terrible. I did know he avoided cooking when he could because he was afraid he’d burn the kitchen down. So the fact that he took the time to prepare this for me was incredibly touching.

“I’m sure it’s delicious, Atticus, thank you.” And it was delicious. We talked some during dinner, about nothing in particular. He asked me about the university and I asked him about his job. Apparently he was up for a promotion and with Atticus’ work ethic, I was sure he would get it.

We finished up dinner and Atticus stood to clear the plates. “Ready for dessert?”

“You made dinner too?” He nodded. “Well of course. If you made, I want to eat it.”

It was key lime pie, undoubtedly another of Jaden's recipes. How did he find out I loved key lime pie? I guess there was little Atticus wasn’t willing to learn about me to make me happy. He truly was a romantic.

We sat in comfortable silence, there was no need for me to tell him how much I liked it. He already knew that. But, at one point he reached across the table and took my free hand, which was next to my plate, in his own. I saw the slight blush on his face, but said nothing about it. We just continued eating. 

Eventually we had both finished, but we didn’t stand up. We just sat there holding hands and smiling. After a moment He stood up bringing me up with him. “Come here.”

I did as he asked, slightly confused, but excited. He led us to our living room where, for the first time I noticed that he’d moved the furniture off to the side. The light from the kitchen candles helped to make the living room not so dark. He walked over to the stereo, turned it on and pressed play. He really had thought through everything for tonight.

The music started playing and it was my favorite artist. I appreciate very greatly older music but by far my favorite was Frank Sinatra. There was just something about his voice. Again, I didn’t have to tell Atticus it was something I loved because he’d done his work to find out already.

He brought me close to him as if we were going to hug but then he took one arm and put it under mine and rested his hand between my shoulder blade. The other hand he lifted up to our sides. Then he put his forehead against mine. “Dance with me?”

So that’s what this is about. I laughed quietly. “Of course.”

And that was that. We started moving in time to the music. I’d never danced and ended up stopping on his feet which I apologized for multiple times, but Atticus seemed incredibly comfortable, a strong lead.

“Atticus, where did you learn to dance?” He’d certainly not shown an interest in it the past year and half we’ve lived together. 

“Dana gave me a crash course a few days ago.”

“You really spared no detail tonight.”

“Not when it come to you.”

I was touched. Atticus is truly the most Romantic person I’ve met. When he put his mind to it, he could put together something really special. And he did it for me.

“Bastion.” I looked up at him. “Happy New Year.” 

I glanced at the clock and it was indeed past midnight. I smiled at him. “Happy New Year, Atticus.”

Then he kissed me, a gesture that had become comfortable to the two of us.

Before I knew what was happening we had started moving across the room into his bedroom. When I finally had a chance to react, Atticus had pushed me onto his bed and had started unbuttoning my vest.

I pushed up and put my hand on his chest. “Atticus.”

He looked shocked. Not that I was stopping him ,but more that he’d attempted something without consulting me like he promised he wouldn’t do.

“I’m sorry, Bastion. I got ahead of myself.”

“Just . . .” I didn’t know what to say. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to have sex with him, I just wasn’t ready.

“I know. I won’t push. I should have been more considerate.”

That night we slept in the same bed. Nothing more than just sleeping. He held me against his chest. It was the first time I’d ever shared a bed with someone and I loved it. It felt like it was meant to be.  
Atticus POV

After a few weeks, I had begun to think that my idea of a relationship and Bastion’s idea of a relationship were two completely different ones. There was little emotion involved in my previous ones. Those girls were only ever interested in what I could offer sexually and I obliged because I was a stupid teenager. That shaped my view of what a relationship was supposed to be, and now with Bastion, I had a hard time adjusting. He went only by what he thought he knew about them, whereas I am going by experience and so far, it’s been awkward, but it hasn’t failed.

I just wish we could agree on how fast we wanted to move with our relationship. I don’t want to rush through everything, but I wish we could meet in the middle. We’d slept in the same bed once on New Year’s Eve, but then Bastion went back to his room. I thought we’d made progress that night, but then we ended up right where we had started.

Mostly I think we were both afraid. I think neither of us truly know what the other wants, but I have no idea how to find out. My first failed attempt came the day after Dana’s ballet.

I woke up and found my way into his room. He was sleeping on his back with the blanket pulled down to his waist, his pajama shirt unbuttoned halfway down. I sat down on the edge of his bed and ran my hand down the side of his face. I’d never cared for anyone like I cared for him. 

He started to wake up. “Atticus, is that you?” I could hear the sleep fogging his voice. 

“Good morning, Bastion.” I leaned down and kissed his forehead. “You sleep okay?” I placed more kisses on his forehead and cheeks. 

“I did, yes.” He brought his hand up to the side of my head, holding me close. 

I leaned over him more as I moved to his neck and his hand moved into my hair. I was completely comfortable; I even moved my free hand down the side of his body to his waist and eventually moved so both my knees were on either side of his hips.

“Atticus.” I thought it was encouragement. I kissed his lips tenderly. I thought we were making progress, but as I continued, I felt Bastion stiffen. He pulled his head from mine. “Atticus!”

I was confused. “I don’t understand.”

“Atticus, this isn’t the first time you have tried something like this. I’ve told you I’m not ready to go this far.”

He squirmed slightly but not enough to push me off of him. “I’m sorry, Bastion, I just wanted to figure out what you want from me.”

Now he was confused. “Atticus, if you want to know what I want, ask me. Honestly, I don’t know with you sometimes.”

I sat back and Bastion propped himself on his elbows. “How long are we going to go at this pace, Bastion?”

“You said you’d only go as fast as I was comfortable.”

“But when are you going to be comfortable with anything, Bastion?”

“I don’t know Atticus. I’ve never been in a relationship before. I’m new to all this, you have to be patient.”

“Do you now trust me, Bastion? I care for you and I don’t want this to end so soon because we can’t trust each other.”

 

“Atticus, can’t you understand? You’re used to faster paced relationships, but I’m not. From what I can gather, relationships take patience. For God’s sake, I’m the only one of the two of us who is a virgin! Of course I’m going to be cautious.”

That struck deep. I guess I’d never thought about the before. I said nothing, only hung my head as I got off of him and left his room. I curled up on my bed, not crying, only thinking. I guess I hadn’t thought that far. He was right. My experience in this field definitely overshadows his. So it was my fault things were going so bad. This wasn’t about me; it was about both of us. I was being selfish. I needed to pay more attention to him and what we can do in order to keep him.

I heard my door open. I didn’t turn to see him, just braced for the worst case scenario. He sat down on the bed my back to him. He gently put his hand on my shoulder. We sat like that for a moment, neither of us really knowing what to say. 

“I’m sorry, Atticus.” Of all the things I thought he was going to say to me, that definitely was not it. I turned and sat up to look at him to let know he could continue. “I was harsh. It wasn’t fair to lash out at you like that.”

I took his hand in mine. “I was inconsiderate. I wasn’t thinking.You’re right; we come from two different pasts and I wanted to go faster than you did.”

“But that comment about you not being a-”

“Was right. I shouldn’t have assumed you were willing to do anything just because I was.”

We stayed silent. We couldn’t just keep going back and forth saying how we were both wrong..

“I want this to work, Atticus.” He paused. “We are two completely different people, and in order for this to work, we have to be willing to try our hardest.”

So he was going to give me another chance. I was amazed. I honestly expected him to throw me out after what I did, but he was willing to try. For that I was grateful. I just looked at him for a moment before he said something. “So tell me if you’re willing to continue to try, because-”

I didn’t let him finish. I cut him off with a kiss. I held the back of his neck with both hands as if afraid he’d leave if I didn’t. It was chaste and gentle and possibly one of the more intimate moments we've shared. When we did finally break apart I smiled. “I’ll be here every step of the way.”

He brought his hands up to my wrists holding them in place. He smiled too and put his forehead to mine. “Me too.”


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
Bastion POV

I’d like to say that from then on out, it was smooth sailing, but, honestly, there were some speed bumps. Like when I asked him to go by my office on his way home from work and get some files I needed to submit that night, which he forgot about ten minutes after I had asked him. I had to go down to the office myself and almost submitted them too late. 

He also kept kissing my neck and trying to distract whenever I was grading. He wouldn’t leave me alone until I had to raise my voice at him. Then I’d feel bad for making him upset.

Then he forgot to forward two messages left on our voicemail and I missed a meeting with a student and Dana asked me to move into her new apartment and I wasn’t there to help her. I couldn’t even tell her whether or not I could help.

I knew Atticus was forgetful, but what really solidified that for me was when he forgot to pay the utility bill. It’s not the first time he’s forgotten to do that, but this time bothered me the most. We’d agreed to try harder than we had before, but that didn’t mean he could just not pay the bill. I got it taken care of and we got our water back that night.

These aren’t very annoying things by themselves, but piled on top of each other, it gets stressful. Though I guess not all the problems we’ve had are Atticus’ fault. I had accidentally fed him balsamic vinegar when I knew full well he was allergic. That night in the hospital was filled with apologies, and Atticus not saying much because his mouth was swollen.

And then when we’d actually gotten to Dana’s apartment to help her, I dropped a few things on his feet putting him on crutches for a week. Or when I accidentally dyed all his white shirts pink when I didn’t realize my red socks were still in the washing machine. He had no good shirts for his shift that day and had to borrow one of mine which was small on him.

We also had a hard time agreeing on most things. Like what movie to watch on Saturday night on our stay at home dates. Sometimes to the point where it got too late to watch a movie. Then sometimes we’d argue about literally nothing. It got to the point where if one of us dropped and broke something, the other would explode then we’d go to our respective rooms for the rest of the night. 

It’s gotten to the point where the problems are outweighing the good things. We’ve done little more than kissing, and at least Atticus stopped trying to go further without me wanting to. 

But one night it got really out of hand. 

 

I had gotten back late from the university and Atticus was in the kitchen a Valentine’s day dinner set out. Right. Valentine’s day. I knew I was going to have this late day so I specifically told Atticus not to do anything today. We’d celebrate another day.

Atticus greeted me with a kiss on my cheek. 

“I told you not to do anything for Valentine’s Day.”

“Well, I was hoping we could eat dinner. We haven’t seen much of each other lately. It’s not much.”

“We have all weekend for that. I had a long day at work and just want some sleep.”

“I went to work today too, but I’m up for a stay at home date.”

“Well your job isn’t as difficult as mine. You don’t have a hundred and fifty students to keep track of.”

“No, but I do deal with rude customers all day. At least your students are well behaved.”

I wasn’t in the mood to argue. “Good night, Atticus.”

I started to walk away but then he spoke. “I’m trying really hard, Bastion.”

I turned around slowly, taking in what he said. “What?”

“I’ve been trying, negotiating, and letting you win arguments, because I care about you. I endured an allergic reaction and a sprained foot for you.”

So he wanted an argument? Fine. I’d give him one. “At least I don’t forget to pay the utilities bill and come home to an igloo or forget to tell you when you have a meeting that someone left a message about.”

“You’re not going to let it go are you? I forgave the allergic reaction and crutches, but you can’t forgive me not paying the bill on time once?”

“That’s the problem! It wasn’t just once. In the past year and a half I can remember four times specifically when this has happened.”

“Ok, fine. At least I didn’t dye all your white shirts pink.”

“I bought you new shirts that day. You didn’t even have to where mine your whole shift.” I sighed. “That’s not even the biggest problem right now. I explicitly told you not to do anything special tonight. I knew I would be exhausted.”

“You’re upset because I wanted to do something nice for you? I made you dinner, all by myself, no recipes from Jaden.”

“Look, I appreciate the sentiment, but I feel like you’re not listening to my lately. Relationships-”

“Oh, here we go again. Please tell me again. What does a relationship take, because you’ve obviously had a ton of experience.”

I was getting upset. “At least I am thinking about our relationship. You obviously want to just have sex even though I won’t let you.”

“Yeah, that’s what I want. Because I am just a sex maniac. You can tell by how patient I’ve been with you since we started dating.”

“You’ve only been patient when you’ve tried something and I stopped you and we’ve both apologized.”

“I’ve never had a relationship where we weren’t both more comfortable than just kissing. It’s what I’m used to. But I haven’t forced anything on you. I’m willing to put that aside for you. And I’m hanging by a thread, because you are obviously too good for me and you support me more than I could ever support you.”

“Do you know what I do at work? It’s not easy to get a job at a university and once you do, there is little leeway. I’ve earned every cent. Money that pays for most of this apartment.”

“So I’m the trophy wife in this relationship?”

“You’re certainly no bread winner.”

He hung his head in his hand, obviously frustrated, but so was I. “I’m sorry that what I do at the store isn’t good enough for you. But at least I do something. I don’t just sit here all day doing nothing.”

“But your job isn’t that great either, not enough to pay utilities. Oh wait, you don’t pay that bill anyway.”

Ok, even I had to admit that was a bit much. He freaked out. He grabbed a glass off the table and threw it against the wall where it shattered. “I am trying! I am doing what I can to help. I don't have a college degree. I can’t do anything specialized like you can. But I do my best. I’m on the verge of a promotion, but that’s not good enough for you! Nothing I do is ever good enough for you. And when I kiss you, I don’t expect sex. I just want to kiss you, because you’re my boyfriend and that’s what they do. But you don’t trust me.”

I was speechless. He waited for me to say something, but when I didn’t he moved to the door and grabbed his coat. “What are you doing, Atticus?”

“I’m going out. You can celebrate Valentine’s Day by yourself. Or just go to sleep and ignore the attempts I’ve made to make you happy.”

Then the door slammed in my face and I was left to think about our fight. I’d gone too far hadn’t I? He was right, I should have just appreciated his gesture. This one was all my fault. He had to come back tomorrow, he wouldn’t stay away would he. We could get through this. We’ve fought before. Granted this was our biggest one so far, but we could get through it.

I went to pick up the broken glass as I went through different things to say to him tomorrow. I wasn’t sure yet, but I was going to apologize, because one thing was for sure: I cared a lot more about him than winning this argument.  
Atticus POV

God, that did not go at all how I wanted it to. I just wanted to celebrate Valentine’s day with Bastion. And look how that turned out. I ended up at a bar with only three people other than me . I guess a bar was not a place most people wanted to spend this holiday.

I sat down at the bar and hung my head in my hands, obviously distraught, but not caring who saw. No one would offer help anyway.

The bartender broke me from my stupor. “Hey, bud, you want a drink?”

I looked up at him. “Something strong. And leave the bottle.”

He brought me what I asked. I didn’t bother to read the label, just poured myself a glass and shot it back. It burned my throat and tasted awful, but I was too upset to care. I had drunk about half the bottle before I started to feel it go to my head, but continued to drink the rest of the bottle than another. It was then I saw someone sit down next to me.

“Well you are even more gorgeous up close.” Well that was weird. “Tell me, what is a pretty young man like yourself doing alone at a bar, on Valentine’s Day of all days?”

This stranger had no business knowing about my life, but at the time I was too under the influence to care. “I got in a fight with my boyfriend.” Was he even my boyfriend anymore?

“That’s unfortunate. I actually had a fight with mine too.” Why should I care? “Did he mess up dinner or something?”

That got me angry. In my alcohol fogged brain, I remembered what I had spent all day doing to make him happy. “No! I spent all day making him dinner, and he refused to eat it saying he was too tired or something stupid.”

“If you made me dinner, I wouldn’t miss the opportunity to eat it.”

“Well that makes one person tonight.”

“It pains me to see you alone tonight? Anything I can do to fix that?”

He put his hand dangerously high on my thigh and I should have walked away then, but I let him. “That’s not likely, sorry.” I was drunk. I couldn’t do something like this.

“Oh, come on, gorgeous, let me keep you company tonight. Besides in your condition I can’t leave you alone. You wouldn’t get home safely.”

Was this guy seriously hitting on me, even after I told him I had a boyfriend? Well, that wasn’t for sure anymore. If he was going to throw every mistake I’d ever made back at me, how long was this going to last. He’d made mistakes too! Arguably bigger ones than me. I never endangered his life or injured him. 

And every time I tried anything, he’d push me away with little more than a kiss. I definitely thought by now we would be much farther in our relationship. Where was this going? Did Bastion still care for me as he did in the beginning? Did I care for him anymore? In my heart I knew I did, but if he’d moved one, there wasn’t much I could to to get him back. I guess I’d already lost him.

“Why don't we go back to my apartment, gorgeous? I’ll show you a good Valentine’s Day.”

If Bastion was going to throw away our relationship because he was exhausted, then I was free to do whatever I wanted. I’d lost Bastion, and what better way to get over him than a rebound?

“Why not?” I left money on the bar and slung my jacket on my shoulders as I stumbled behind the guy out of the bar. It never once occurred to me that I didn’t even know his name


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
Atticus POV

When I woke the next morning, it wasn’t peaceful or comfortable. As the light entered my eyes, I realized I had no idea where I was. I didn’t recognize the plain white walls or the black sheets I was under. The room was clean and tidy, but smelled very strongly of a cologne that made me want to throw up. 

I sat up and saw clothes strewn about the floor. Mine, and ones that weren’t mine. I looked down at my body and found I was only wearing my boxers. What had I done last night? 

“Are you awake in there?” I jumped. I hadn’t recognized the voice and didn’t know how to respond. It was male, but that was all I could tell. I heard footsteps coming towards the room I was in. A young man, no older than twenty came into view. He had a handsome face and messy blonde hair, but the thing that I noticed about him was that he was wearing my shirt. It was one of the shirts Bastion had bought to replace the ones he accidentally dyed pink. 

“Good morning, beautiful.” He came closer to me, smiling. He knelt over me and kissed me. It was at that moment I remembered vague things about last night. I had gone to a bar, told this guy I had a fight with Bastion and he’d told me he’d also had a fight with . . . someone. Then he offered me company on Valentine’s Day. Had I . . . oh my God.

I pushed him away. “What exactly happened last night?” He seemed confused. 

“Well, I found you at the bar and you seemed upset. You’d had a few drinks, well more than a few; there were two empty bottles on the bar, and told me about the fight with your boyfriend and I couldn’t let someone like you be alone on Valentine’s day.” 

He leaned down to kiss me again but I didn’t let him. “And did we . . .” I was scared to ask, “have sex?”

He only smiled. “You really don’t remember that? Honestly, the best I’ve ever had. You definitely knew what you were doing. I felt a little sore when I woke up, but it was worth it.”

I pushed him off the bed, his face changing to surprise. “What’s wrong, babe?” 

“You knew full well I was in no position to make any rational decision and you still took advantage of me?”

He got angry. “I took advantage of you? You were the one begging me to let you have sex with me. You had a fight with your boyfriend and I just wanted to offer you company.”

Was he telling the truth? I thought I remembered him hitting on me, but anything could have happened last night. Could I subconsciously have been so angry as to cheat on Bastion?

“I remember you saying something about you having a boyfriend.”

“What are you talking about? I’ve been single for a while. Why would I lie about that?”

There was something about this guy that I didn’t like. I almost didn’t want to believe that we’d actually had sex, but something told that at least that part was true. As much as I really didn’t want it to be. “Even if all that is true, why are you wearing my shirt?”

He blushed, actually blushed. “Well isn’t that what people in relationships do? Wear their boyfriend’s shirts?” 

We were not boyfriends. Bastion was my boyfriend . . . hopefully. I was fully angry now. I had to get back to Bastion. I got out of the bed and order him, “Take it off.”

I think he misunderstood me because he smiled and started slowly unbuttoning the shirt. “Wanna go for round two, do we? Well, I can oblige.” He cast the shirt to the floor and started to step towards me.

I was so upset by this guy and his fantasy that I walked right past him to get my shirt, my jacket, and my pants, and my shoes in the corner. “We are not together.” I practically spat the words at him as I put my clothes back. “You were a mistake. If I had been sober, there is no way something like this would have happened. I never want to see you ever again.” 

I went to leave, half expecting him to argue but all he said was, “You know, you never told me your name.”

That’s what he held onto? I gave him one last leer before I left his apartment without looking back. I never learned his name, nor did I ever care to.

I found my way onto the street not knowing where I was or what time it was. I just started walking, hoping I could find my way back. That gave me a lot of time to think about what I had done. 

I remember storming out on Bastion, angry, but had never meant to cheat on him. How was he ever going to forgive me? Did I even need to tell him that? 

Yes. I couldn’t go on with this relationship with this lie behind me. That was if we still had a relationship. I was terrified to face him, knowing I had to tell him. But if I made him understand that I was drunk and was taken advantage of he’d understand. Right?

I found my way to a familiar street and oriented myself with in the city. My apartment was on the complete other side of the city. I couldn’t walk that far. I searched my person for my wallet and found it on the inside pocket of my jacket. I hailed a cab and spend the whole ride hating myself. I can’t believe I had done this to him. And now I had to go convince him to give me another chance.

We were there sooner than I wanted to be. I paid the driver and stood in front of my apartment building thinking about what to say. I finally sucked up my courage to enter the apartment, immediately met with Bastion.

“Atticus, I’m so glad you’re okay. Where did you say last night? Did you . . .” He trailed off as he looked at me. “You’re a mess, Atticus. DId you sleep on the street. What is that smell? That’s not your cologne.” He was silent and I had no idea what to say to him. I should have known he was smart enough to figure it out. And he did. The realization dawned on his face. 

“Oh, my God, you . . .”

“Bastion.” I stepped toward him but he wouldn’t let me get near him.

“You went to someone’s house last night, didn’t you?”

I couldn’t lie to him. “I was drunk and upset. He took advantage of me. I swear, if I’d been sober, this wouldn’t have happened.”

“If you’d been sober? That’s your excuse? I didn’t make you get drunk. That was your own choice. And you went to this guy’s house and . . . you slept with him didn’t you?”

I hung my head. Bastion was too smart for me to get away with this. “Yes, but I . . .”

“But what, Atticus? What happened to you being so patient with me? I thought you would wait until I was ready. I guess that was lie too, seeing as you couldn’t wait to get into his pants. What was his name?” I was silent because I couldn’t give him a name. “I’m waiting.”

“I never learned it.”

He looked as if I’d hit him. “You were so desperate for sex you didn’t even bother learning his name?”

“No, Bastion, that’s not it. I-”

“I was ready to forgive you, Atticus, for our argument last night. But now I’m not sure I should.”

I heard what he said, and I responded immediately without thinking. “What would you have to forgive me for? I did nothing wrong.” As soon as I said it, I regretted. 

“Did nothing wrong. This coming from the guy who cheated on me. I opened myself to you, more than I’ve opened up to anyone, even my own family. I gave you my trust and devotion, even my first kiss . . .”

I could see the tears in his eyes, but he fought back crying. “I cared about you more than our stupid argument last night and I was willing to put it behind me, for you. But now, now that I know you don’t care about me at all, what’s the point of trying?”

“Bastion, please listen to me.”

“No! I do not want to hear anything you have to say. I’m done trying with you. The four years I spent adoring you are wasted. You have the gall, after what you did to me, to come back to our apartment and beg my forgiveness.” He only looked at me for a minute, obviously waiting for me to say something, but I couldn't think of anything to say. I was losing him, and the best I could do was stand there and stare stupidly.

He moved towards the door. “Sorry. When I said our apartment, I meant your apartment. I’m leaving.”

I grabbed his shoulder. “Bastion. Please don’t go. We can make it through this. I do care about you.”

He turned slowly to look at me. “What right do you have right now to ask anything of me?” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his key to the apartment. He stared at it for a short minute before he threw them at me. “I’m done.”

He left before I could say another word. God, I had really messed up this time. I collapsed on the couch and thought about how I had lost the best thing that ever happened to me.

Bastion POV

 

My head was spinning as I left the apartment building. Four years. Four years I held onto him and when I finally got him, he threw me away like I was nothing. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do now, but I knew Atticus was no longer going to be a part of it. 

I was too angry and shocked to think about it much more. I just needed to find somewhere to go because it couldn’t be with Atticus.

I found myself at Dana’s apartment soon after that. I knocked on her door, not fully knowing what to say to her, or if I was even going to tell her what happened. She opened it soon after I had knocked. She looked like she hadn’t been up for very long. Her normally straight, orderly hair was frizzy and messy. She was wearing a long button up shirt that was huge on her small frame, obviously Hassleberry’s. I peeked behind her and saw Hassleberry sitting at her kitchen table. It was the day after Valentine’s. I guess I should have expected them to be together.

“Bastion? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be enjoying your weekend with Atticus?”

I paused, remembering that morning. “That’s actually what I had come by to talk to about, but seeing as Hassleberry is here, I can come back later.”

I started to walk away, but Dana pulled me back. “That’s okay. Come in. Please. What’s wrong?”

Hesitantly, I followed her. I took my shoes off as she got me a chair for the table. She sat next to Hassleberry and I sat across from them

“Is everything okay?” Hassleberry seemed just as concerned as Dana.

I sighed. “No. Quite the opposite.” They stayed silent, giving me time to tell them. “Atticus and I got in a huge fight last night. Atticus even broke a glass. And he stormed out. I didn’t see him again until this morning when I found out he . . .” I swallowed. I did not want to have to go through this again. “He got drunk at a bar and he slept with someone he met there. He smelled of cheap cologne and he didn’t even know the guy’s name. I don't know what to do about this.”

“Oh, goodness, Bastion. I am so sorry. Atticus doesn’t seem like the type to cheat.” Dana offered some consolation. 

“He doesn’t seem like the type to do a lot of things, but I guess there’s a first time for everything.” I hung my head in my hands, fighting the urge to cry. “I just don’t know what to anymore. I cared about him a lot, but I don’t think I can trust him any more. I can’t go back to him.”

Dana took my hand. “Stay here for a while then.”

I looked at her, surprised. “Dana, I can’t. I couldn’t intrude on you like that.”

“It’s no problem, Bastion, not for a friend.”

“But what about when Hassleberry comes over?”

“Dana can come to my apartment if we want to spend the night together. You have to do what you need to, Bastion, and if that means staying here with Dana, then do it.”

Hassleberry was a truly irreplaceable friend. He may not have been the loudest or most outspoken of all of us, but he cared about all of us and he supported me. “Thank you Hassleberry.”

Dana moved me into the guest bedroom. She gave me her rehearsal schedule so I’d know when she’d be back late. I listened to her tell me what I needed to know, but really I just thought about how I wasn't sure I could make it through this without losing more than just my relationship with Atticus in the end.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Hello, you’ve reached Bastion Misawa. I am unable to come to phone right now; please leave a message and I’ll get back to you, thanks.

Bastion, it’s Atticus. I just want to know that you’re okay, that you’ve got somewhere to stay. Look, what I did . . . I just want to talk. Call me back.  
Atticus again. I haven’t heard from you in a few days. I haven’t talked to anyone else. I wasn’t sure if you wanted me to. I’m getting really worried. Just let me know you’re okay. We don’t have to talk about anything, just tell me you’re okay.  
Hey, me again. I know you’re okay. I called the university and they said you’ve been coming to work. As far as they know, though, you’re staying here. I got a call from Zane the other day. He asked where I’d been lately. I had no idea what to tell him. I made up an excuse.Bastion, I am so sorry about what I did to you and I understand if you never want to see me again, just talk this out with me. After that, I’ll never bother you again.   
It’s been a week, Bastion. You can’t avoid me forever. We’re both adults. There’s no way you’re this busy to not answer my calls. I’m getting sick of you ignoring me.

Bastion, I’m sorry for my last call. I’m not angry with you. I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I totally get it if you’re angry with me. It’s been really quiet without you around. I miss you, and I know that’s not enough for forgiveness, but please just talk to me. Please.

I just want you to listen. You mean so much to me and I want us to end on good terms. I can accept that whatever relationship we had is over now, but can we get some closure? You don’t have to say anything, just let me say what I need to say.

You can’t ignore me forever, Bastion. One conversation is all I ask. Dana called me yesterday asking if I heard from you. Just give me a chance. Please, Bastion.  
Bastion POV

He filled up my voice mail. He begged for me to listen in every message, but I still didn’t think I was ready to deal with him. I had only left Dana’s apartment to go to work. I knew my students had noticed something was off with me but none of them asked about it. 

I was laying on the bed in Dana’s guest room when there was a soft knock on the door. I had just finished the last message and told her to come in. 

“Hey, Bastion, you doing okay?” She knew the answer, but she didn’t know how else to start the conversation. I didn’t answer so she continued. “I called Atticus yesterday.”

“I know. I got his message.”

“He’s concerned for you. He told me you walked out on him and he doesn’t know where you are. I told him the two of you needed to work this out and that I knew where you were but you didn't want me to tell him.”

“And did he apologize again for something I won’t forgive him for?”

“No. He only wanted me to ask if you’d talk to him.”

“He is the last person I want to see. I don’t think talking to him is the best thing for either of us.”

Dana sat down next to me, looking me in the eyes. “And what will avoiding him solve? The next time Jesse and Jaden invite us all over for dinner, what are you going to do? Sit there and pretend everything is okay?”

“That’s certainly easier than the alternative.”

She looked away, hurt. “In all the years I’ve known you, I’ve never seen you take the easy way out. Why would you start now?”

She got up to leave, the conversation obviously over.

As much as I wanted to avoid him, rent for the apartment was due at the end of the month, today. I had been at Dana’s apartment for two weeks. I had to go by the apartment complex to give money to the landlord. I may not be living there anymore, but I should still pay for it. Atticus couldn’t afford it on his own.

Wait, why am I thinking about what Atticus needs? He didn’t think about me when he went and slept with someone else. But I need to pay. And I didn’t even have to see Atticus. I could just give it to the landlord directly. 

I found my way to his office and knocked on the door. He opened and smiled. “Hello, Bastion. How can I help you?”

He moved aside to let me come in. “I just wanted to give you my half of the rent for the apartment. Can you tell me how much that is.” 

“Certainly.” I pulled my checkbook out of my jacket as he looked through his files to give me an amount. He told me and I wrote the check. “I take it Atticus will be paying separately?”

I didn’t feel like staying longer than I had to. I opened my mouth to speak when there was a knock on his open door. “Speak of the Devil,” my landlord said as I turned around. 

Atticus.

We stood there staring at each other for a few moments before the landlord broke the silence. “Can I help you Atticus?”

He didn’t break eye contact as he spoke. “I came to pay my rent.”

“Wonderful. Bastion just paid so this will all be square once you do.”

“Well thank you for seeing me. “ I moved to leave. 

“Bastion, you’re not in a hurry, are you?”

“I- well- no, but-”

“Then there is no reason to leave in such a hurry. Once Atticus pays, you two can go back up to your room together.”

I couldn’t fight with him. He had me beat. I stood there while Atticus paid for his rent, all the while wanting to run out the door, but I couldn’t. As soon as the landlord thanked Atticus, I bolted out the door and left the building. 

“Bastion!” Atticus had ran after me. I picked up my pace but I didn't run fast enough. He caught up to me and grabbed me by my shoulder. stopping me in my tracks. “Bastion, please! I have been calling, worrying, the past two weeks. I barely sleep, I barely eat. My boss has noticed a decline in my work and he’s been giving me less hours to sort out whatever personal problem I am having. I-”

I shrugged my shoulder out of his grip. “Atticus, I don’t want to hear anything you have to say, Why don’t you just go find that young boy and break his heart?”

“Look, I know you don’t want to hear-”

“I don’t even want to look at you right now, Atticus. And I don’t know if I will ever be able to stand the thought of you ever again. I want you to leave me alone.”

I started to walk away. “Bastion, look, I know . . .” I stopped for a moment, I don’t know why, to listen to the last thing he had to say. “I know right now you don’t care, but think of me.” I almost interrupted but he continued. “Think of how I used to be . . . me.”

I knew he walked away at that moment, but I never looked back. Think of how he used to be? What was that supposed to mean?  
Two days later, I woke up and made my way to Dana’s kitchen to get some breakfast before I left for work, but what caught my eye was Aster sleeping on the couch. I stood there waiting for a moment, as if trying to figure out what he was doing there when Dana came in. 

“Sorry about this, Bastion, Aster came here last night going on about how Zane thinks he is cheating on him and I couldn’t just say no to letting him stay here.”

Turns out I wasn’t the only one with the problem of an unfaithful partner. But, for some reason, I felt like Zane and Aster were in the middle of a misunderstanding. The two of them were engaged. There was no reason Aster would go back on him. 

Of course I had thought the same of Atticus, but I guess things change.  
Atticus POV

Two days later, I left my apartment for the first time in two weeks to do something other than go to work. I called Zane to get advice. We met for lunch and I could tell something was up with him, but I put it off as nothing more than work stress.

Eventually I broke the silence. “So, I was wondering if you could give me some relationship advice. I know you and Aster have great relationship, so I thought that maybe you could help me out.” He waited for me to explain. “I made a mistake, Zane, and it’s really hurting Bastion. I want to make it up to him and I want him to forgive me. I don’t know what it’s like to have a real relationship. Sure I dated a few girls back at Duel Academy, but none of those were ever serious. Bastion was the first person I ever actually cared about and I had to go and ruin it. And now he won’t even stay long enough to listen to me.”

He was silent for a moment, thinking about what I just said. I waited for him to ask what I did, but he never did. 

“Atticus, I . . . I don’t know what to tell you. Honestly, Aster and I are in the middle of a rough time. I think he may have . . . found someone else.”

That surely was surprising. Of all the people I had ever met, Zane and Aster seemed to be the couple that would never have any problems. 

“Zane! What! Aster would never do something like that. He loves you too much. He agreed to marry you.”

“Well he’s been gone more and more often. And he’s come home late a lot of times. Where is spending all his time?”

“He could really just be running into problems. Talk to him Zane. I’m sure he can explain everything. He wouldn’t do that to you. You’ll get through this. Just tell him what you feel. Don’t hold back anything. You can’t sort out the issues if you never address them.” 

I had been trying to do the same with Bastion, but he simply wouldn’t listen. 

“God, he’s going to hate me. He’s not going to want to talk to me.”

‘You never know until you try.”

“Okay. I’ll try. You know, Atticus, maybe follow some of your own advice. Talk to Bastion. Force him to listen. It might be hard for him to hear what you have to say, but he’s a smart guy. You’ll make it through this.”

He really didn't understand my problem. I had tried that, but so far, nothing had been solved. I smiled to make him think that everything was okay, when I knew it wasn’t. But I couldn’t push my problems on him anymore, not when he had his own problems to deal with.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
Bastion POV

I spent a month thinking about what Atticus said. Think of me and how I used to be . . . me. The words haunted me. I heard it when I fell asleep and even when I wa at work, focusing on my lectures, it would be there in the back of my mind. 

How he used to be? Were we really happy with how he used to be? How I used to be? Zane and Aster worked out whatever problem they had; I had gotten official wedding invitation three weeks before. 

I knew it was just a misunderstanding. But what I was going through was not a misunderstanding. We’d spent the month and a half that our relationship lasted disagreeing, arguing, with only a few truly romantic moments spread out. 

I don’t know what led me to go the the apartment, but I went.

Atticus opened the door and looked like he almost lost his balance at the sight of me. He let me come in and he offered to take my coat.

“I won’t be here long.” There was a silence and Atticus closed the door. “How you used to be?”

He seemed confused at the question. “You told me to think about how you used to be, but now that I’ve tried, I don’t understand what you want me to think about.”

He looked away. “Back to when we were happy. Before my mistake.”

“When we were happy. . . Atticus, were we ever truly happy? After all the missed utilities payments, the allergic reaction, the sprained foot, the interrupting me while I’m working . . . Valentine’s Day.” I couldn’t look at him.

“Christmas, New Years, our intimacy. You said yourself that you’d opened yourself to me more than you’d ever opened yourself to anyone. You can tell me you weren’t happy.”

We locked eyes. “Maybe I was, and maybe I wanted to badly to feel happy, I told myself I was. I spent four years wishing I could be something to you, and when I finally was, I didn't let myself see all the problems.”

“Sure, we started off rough, but we need to find our balance. And we can do that together.”

I stayed silent, my eyes closed, but I could feel Atticus coming closer. I considered stepping away but I didn’t. “Bastion, look at me.” I opened my eyes slowly. He put his hand on the side of my face. “I know I’ve made a huge mistake, but if you give me another chance, I assure you we can be happy.”

He leaned in to kiss me, but something in the back of my mind told me I shouldn’t let him. I pulled away. “I’m not ready to forgive you, Atticus.”

The look on his face was one of misery. “I don’t know if I ever will be. And we can’t be happy if I can’t forgive you.”

I left him standing there and left his apartment, but unlike last time, I did look back at him.

A few days later, the whole gang was gathered at the wedding. The ceremony was beautiful. Zane and Aster we truly meant for eachother and when they read their vows, I was sure I was going to start crying. During the reception, as I watched the two of them dance, and I saw just how happy they were, I wanted to know how I could feel happy again. Each day that went by, I was more miserable, remembering what I had lost.

Was I ready to forgive Atticus?

I wanted back in my apartment. It felt like home, and I didn’t want to impose on Dana anymore. She needed her privacy with Hassleberry. I had come back a few times to find them wanting to have their intimacy. In those moments I left for a while and came back when I was sure it was okay. I wanted to know I could go home whenever I wanted.

I couldn’t have that without Atticus, but a relationship obviously was not going to work between us. I just wanted to be happy.

It was then I realized, it didn't have to be all or nothing. I didn’t have to cut Atticus from my life, and I didn’t have to continue our relationship. Besides, the eight of us were a group. It wasn’t fair to leave any one of us out. I’d have to interact with Atticus at some point. 

But the question still stood. Was i ready to forgive him?

I looked around for him, but didn’t see him. Zane and Aster were talking to Jason when I asked Dana if she’d seen him.

“The last I saw, he snuck out to get some fresh air.”

There was a garden just outside the venue of the wedding. It didn’t take me long to find Atticus sitting on the edge of a fountain. 

“Hey.” He looked up at me, somewhat surprised at seeing me. 

“Hey.” I stood in front of him for a moment, the silence between the two of us almost unbearable. 

“Can I sit down?” He smiled at me and nodded.

There was more silence but then we spoke at the same time.

“I’ve been thinking.”

We locked eyes and I felt a smile cross my face. He spoke next. “You go first.”

I gathered myself. “I have been thinking about you. About how you used to be. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized . . . you never changed. What changed was how I saw you.” I had a hard time forming my thoughts into sentences. “I want to be happy, and I know you want to be happy.” He nodded. “But what we had . . . while it was nice and we were happy, at least a little bit, I think we both know-”

“It didn’t work.”

He read my mind. “Yeah. We forced ourselves into this pretense ignoring the problems. We tried to fit two puzzle pieces together that didn’t belong together. It was something I wanted for four years, but when I finally got it, I ignored the signs.”

“And I wanted to make you happy. I cared about you, Bastion, I still do. And I want what is best for you.”

I put my hand on his knee. “I think we both know what’s best for us.”

He nodded. “I don’t want to never see you again.”

“Nor I you. But, Atticus, this doesn’t have to be all or nothing. It’s obvious that we aren’t meant to end up together.”

He nodded again. And he looked at me, a smile on his face and tears pulling at his eyes. And I felt tears at my eyes too. He put his hand on my shoulder and we came to an understanding. 

“I forgive you, Atticus.” He looked as if that was the last thing he’d ever expected me to say. “I forgive you. And I want us to go back to how we were before. Before Christmas. Before our relationship. I want to put it all behind us.”

A single tear fell from his left eye, but not out of sadness, but joy. “I want nothing more, Bastion. I want my best friend back.”

“You never lost him. You lost a lover. And I lost mine too, but beneath all that, was my best friend.”

“Thank you Bastion. For everything. But mostly for this second chance to be your friend.”

We didn’t need to say anything else. We could move on now. And there was nothing more I could have asked for. 

We moved into a hug and he said thank you again. All I said was, “I think we should go back to the party.”

He smiled in agreement. “Yeah. Zane and Aster can’t have all the fun.”  
Atticus POV

Bastion moved back into the apartment, much to the joy of Dana, not that he was no longer taking up residence with her, but that we had made up. The others wondered about the details of our break up, but mostly we just left it at this was for the best.

A few months after Zane and Aster’s wedding I was doing my shift at work when my boss came to talk to me. 

“You’ve been doing much better the past few months. I’m glad you worked through whatever was troubling you.”

“It all worked out for the best.”

“Good. Because you’ll need to be in the best mind space as my new assistant manager.”

I almost gasped and dropped what I was holding. “Assistant- for real?”

“You’re my hardest worker. No one is more deserving of this position than you.”

“Thank you, thank you so much. You won’t be disappointed.” I wanted to hug him, but I settled for a firm handshake. 

“Of course, of course. Now go help our customer.” I looked to where he was looking. A customer I recognized had just come in.

I went to greet her. “Long time no see, Abby.” The young woman looked at me and smiled. 

“You remembered my name. That’s nice to hear, Atticus.” And she remembered mine. 

“Well it would be a shame if I didn't remember the name of my most frequent customer. Especially considering you’re a woman shopping at a men’s wear store.”

“I’m getting a gift for my brother. His birthday is in a week.”

“Wasn’t that what you needed last time?”

She blushed. “No last time it was my father.”

I played along with her game. “Oh, of course. I remember now.”

I helped her find what she needed and when I checked her out she thanked me for helping her.

“I have something for you actually.” She reached into her purse to get a piece of paper and took a pen from next to the register and wrote something on it. and slid it over to me. She took her bag. “Hope to hear from you soon.” Then she left the store.

I looked at the piece of paper and nearly blushed myself at was on it. Her phone number. I’d be lying to myself if I said I wasn’t interested in her. I hadn’t pursued any relationship since Bastion gave our friendship a second chance, but maybe I was ready to try.

I got off my shift not long after and was home not long after. “Welcome back, Atticus.” He greeted me with a hug. “Anything exciting happen at work.”

“Actually yes. I got promoted to assistant manager.”

“Atticus, that’s fantastic! You deserve it! Anything else?”

I could feel the blush on my face, selling me out to him. “Something did happen!”

I reached into my pocket and handed him the piece of paper. “A frequent customer gave me her phone number today.”

He smiled. “Are you gonna call her?”

“I don’t know. Maybe. I don’t want to ruin anything.”

He put his hand on my shoulder. “Call her, Atticus. What is the worst that can happen?”

We both knew he knew the answer to that question, but he was encouraging all the same. He was silently encouraging me to try a relationship with this girl. It was the only way to truly move past what happened between us. 

“I will. And out of curiosity, is there anyone special in your life?”

“Not currently, but I am confident I will meet someone.”

With that I knew we were back to normal. Before all the heart ache. And we were finally continuing our lives. I had another opportunity and I was going to take it. And I knew Bastion would get his opportunity before long. Anyone would be lucky to have him as a husband. Just as I am lucky to have him as my best friend.


End file.
